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Welcome to a practical pastoral counseling site of Dr. Harold L. White

 Every pastor can be a valued and competent counselor.

Parent Stoppers

We lose consciousness when we lose our A which is what happens when the internal dialogue
won't turn off.
We can protect ourselves from an internal beating if we have a handy list of things
we have learned and practiced.

These emergency measures are called Parent Stoppers because they get us into the present,
which is Adult ego territory.

By performing Adult ego functions we turn off the past momentarily, and the recorded accusations
stop playing.

These are not analysis or thinking-through.
They are things to do till the thinking starts.

These are not long-term solutions, but do offer temporary relief from internal abuse.
They turn off the P, and engage the A in simple observation, and tickle the C.

1. Break the body set.

2. Be in the here and now.
   Look around the room, or… Say out loud what you see…
   (During the time these items were recited, the A was engaged in awareness
    of the present.)
   So the past could not roll.

3. Exaggerate the problem.
   You have dented your fender. Bad, bad, bad. Dumb. Careless. Expensive.
   Well, you could have bashed in the whole side of your car, or totaled it,
   or broke your leg, or ...

   But none of this happened.
   You only dented your fender. Sweet relief.

4. Physical exertion.
   Any kind of exertion raises the metabolism. Tired? Take a walk, etc.

5. Have a haven.
   Have a place -- down by the river -- under the tree --a hobby.
   Your own secret place. Go there, and rest.

6. Have a sound screen.
   Turn on music. Listen to the radio.

7. And go off on tangents.
   Let your eyes wander -- observe

8. Talk with someone.
   The only possible problem with this is that you may dump your feelings
   on someone else, and feel worse

9. Consider others.
   Are you the only person in the world who has ever done a dumb thing?
   Mistakes don't kill you. Misery can!

   Others keep going, and so can you.

10. Make faces in the mirror.

11. Take a nap.

12. Pray
   (For a Christian, I believe this should have come first.)

[Home] [The Pastor] [As Counselor] [Characteristics] [Recognizing  Problems] [Introduction To TA] [Benefits of TA] [Ego States] [Behavior Clues] [Contaminated Egos] [Egograms] [Egogram Examples] [Transactions] [Strokes] [Scripts] [Script Checks List] [I'm OK, You're OK] [OK IF] [Games] [Drama Triangle] [Trading Stamps] [Unhooking] [Conflict Resolutions] [Parent Stoppers] [Parent Shrinkers] [The Process] [Development Stages] [Attachment] [Exploration] [Identity] [Competence] [Concern] [Intimacy] [Cycle of Nuturing] [Childhood Memories] [Types of Families] [Life Plans] [Depression] [Anxiety] [Overcoming Anxiety] [Disorders] [Overcoming Depression] [Premarriage Counseling] [Marriage Counseling] [Why This Site] [Books To Read]