nBannerallgrayhlw1

website design software

Welcome to a practical pastoral counseling site of Dr. Harold L. White

 Every pastor can be a valued and competent counselor.

Unhooking

Reason tells emotionally enslaved people they should get out, but they are in fact,
hooked by unexamined sentiments.

List of things to do to unhook:

1. Don't give or take "emotional trading stamps."
   Don't put down the other person or let him put you down.
   Don't be angry -- it only heats up the relationship.

2. Give low-value strokes.
   "You are looking well" is a modulated complement that doesn't imply more...

3. Don't be a Persecutor, Rescuer, or Victim.

4. Stay OK, but don't flaunt it.

5. Keep transactions in the A.
   Seductions or whimpers or P putdowns set the stage for more fun and games.

6. Stay in the now.

7. Protect the C in the other person.

8. Develop other relationships.

9. Be consistent.

10. If possible, continue to be friends. If not, don't!
   Encumbering yourself with destructive relationships will only stand in the way
   of finding people you want to keep.

Unhooking is made easier if you recognize that "being hooked" is essentially
an emotional condition.
The A is often left out of a initial infatuations.
Get the A working by asking yourself, hard, realistic questions:
      Where is this relationship going.
      How much punishment am I willing to take?
      What are my values?
      What will I be doing five years from now unless I change? Ten?

[Home] [The Pastor] [As Counselor] [Characteristics] [Recognizing  Problems] [Introduction To TA] [Benefits of TA] [Ego States] [Behavior Clues] [Contaminated Egos] [Egograms] [Egogram Examples] [Transactions] [Strokes] [Scripts] [Script Checks List] [I'm OK, You're OK] [OK IF] [Games] [Drama Triangle] [Trading Stamps] [Unhooking] [Conflict Resolutions] [Parent Stoppers] [Parent Shrinkers] [The Process] [Development Stages] [Attachment] [Exploration] [Identity] [Competence] [Concern] [Intimacy] [Cycle of Nuturing] [Childhood Memories] [Types of Families] [Life Plans] [Depression] [Anxiety] [Overcoming Anxiety] [Disorders] [Overcoming Depression] [Premarriage Counseling] [Marriage Counseling] [Why This Site] [Books To Read]